It has been a while since I last wrote a personal blog. One year and 355 days to be exact. I write blogs for other people now, and it is truly one of the greatest honors of my young adult life. It has given me opportunity to tap deep into wells I haven’t had to dig myself. There is fulfillment there, but I am learning, contentment comes only in forging my own.
The problem is, well-digging means ground-breaking. Ground-breaking means you may hit a few roots on the way down. And if you are anything like me, you poured concrete over those roots a long time ago. You convince yourself that because they are no longer growing they are no longer there. But they are and the only way to get past them is to hack the mess out of them.
It takes a whole lot of work, and It doesn’t feel good.
It means at the end of the day, when you have done all you can do, there will be an ache. It’s an ache of reality. An ache of unresolved prayer requests, vulnerable self-realization, unfulfilled dreams, loss, and the acknowledgement you simply can’t get to the bottom without help.
Sure, you can avoid the ache, just don’t dig. After all, the surface is a careful place. A safe place. A quiet place.
But when the Holy Spirit resides within you, you don’t have the luxury of staying here long.
Through some gentle pushes from some loud voices in my life, I have recently chosen to pick up the shovel again.
Using all that is within me, I find myself driving it deeper and deeper beneath the surface-things that have dictated the trajectory of my calling for too long. Cutting through the fear of acceptance and approval. Sinking the spade into roots of unworthiness and complacency. Tears frequent my cheeks, but I find the ache actually drives me further, deeper, root after root. I slowly descend into what it means to be Laura Hamon, and in the quiet times in the dark pit, I wrestle.
Yet, In the great juxtaposition of what it means to be a Christ follower, the further down I go, the further I find myself ascending.
The ache powers the push.
The Lord spoke these words over my heart this morning:
The ache is your gift. Though it hurts, it is not bad. No person or opportunity will ever stitch the wounds of your heart, for those wounds keep you dependent upon Me. Don’t rush the ache away, Laura, its part of the beauty in your redemption story.
Are you hurting today? Have you lost something dear to you? Questioning what in the world you are doing with your life? Let me urge you with this, God’s calling is irrevocable (Romans 11:29 ESV). Irrevocable, in its original Greek, is translated “ametamelétos”. Defined: “Without regret or remorse for an action because it was done from deep conviction and true concern.”
True concern. God put some thought into it when He making you. He doesn’t regret or rescind the calling He has placed over your life. It is a calling that doesn’t dissolve when you get married or have children. It remains no matter how long you choose to be careful and live your life on the surface. It NEVER GOES AWAY. A person, an opportunity, will not dig the well for you. It is a personal endeavor, and one that must be done with diligence.
But rest assured, you are not doing it alone. You wouldn’t be able to do that. No, the only One who can fill those voids, is right there behind you. Hands over your hands, driving you deeper. He that sees you, is for you.
Let the questions, doubt and broken places bring you deeper, not further from Him. If you are waiting for His promises to be made manifest in your life, don’t give up hope. Don’t rush the ache away, allow it to drive you deeper into what He is revealing to you. And dig, friend.
There, at the bottom…do you see it?
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be made perfect and complete, lacking in nothing (James 1:2-4 ESV).